Van Dijk: The Phantom Fouler


In a move that could only be described as the plot of a football-themed soap opera, Keith Hackett, former big cheese of the PGMOL, has accused Liverpool’s fortress in boots, Virgil van Dijk, of possessing a superpower usually reserved for comic book heroes: the uncanny ability to levitate above the law of fouls. Hackett claims Van Dijk could commit more offenses than a toddler loose in a candy store, yet still gets away unscathed, thanks to his mysterious ‘aura’ — possibly akin to an invisibility cloak with a hint of magical fairy dust.

Riding on the coattails of a controversial clash against Fulham, where Van Dijk supposedly transformed into a collision enigma courtesy of Rodrigo Muniz, Hackett is on a mission. Like Sherlock Holmes on a caffeine binge, he’s assembled a collection of eight dubious incidents from Van Dijk’s highlight reel, including the supposed ‘elbow of doom’ on Richarlison and a dramatic barge on Anthony Gordon—moves that Hackett claims should have been rewarded with a red card parade but received nothing more than a whistle in the wind.

When not pulling off football’s answer to the invisible man routine, Van Dijk is chatting contract extensions. Like a soap opera twist nobody saw coming, he’s hinted at staying but left fans on edge like a last-minute penalty. “I love the club,” he says, possibly while winking at the camera, leaving everyone wondering if he’s signing on or off to the world of free agency. Tune in next time on ‘As the Ball Turns’ to find out if the Anfield fortress will remain standing!