Young Lion Elliott Roars with Praise


Harvey Elliott, young enough to still believe in fairy tales, has scored not one, but TWO magisterial goals in England’s glorious 2-1 triumph over the Netherlands in the Under-21 Euros. While he basked in his lion-hearted heroics, Elliott couldn’t stop name-dropping two Liverpool legends — Mo Salah and Virgil van Dijk, who apparently sprinkle leadership dust on him every time they walk past. His role in defending the Young Lions’ crown, which they snatched from Spain in a nail-biting 1-0 final, is getting bigger and shinier, much like a footballer’s new boots!

Elliott, who reportedly spends his weekends by the Mersey dreaming of following Salah’s footsteps in net-busting performances, is soaking up those leadership rays like a cat on a sunny windowsill. “Mo and Virgil never stop meowing about scoring at the last minute,” he chuckled, with the wisdom of a young Jedi. “It’s all about those ‘holy-moley’ moments on the pitch where you either score or scramble like a dizzy squirrel. Thank goodness I was feeling nutty today and bagged us those goals!”

But will he be the wizard with the hat trick in the final against Germany? “Who knows?!” he shouted, juggling imaginary balls in anticipation. “We’re all super players, not just me, and we all deserve a medal for showing up and kicking it! The squirrel of fear has scampered off, and we’re ready to play without whiskers twitching!” May the football gods be ever in their favor!