Newcastle’s Transfer Maneuvers Unveiled…
Newcastle director Jamie Reuben has reassured loyal fans they are pulling metaphorical rabbits out of hats in the transfer department, as Alexander Isak seems to have his GPS set for Liverpool. The club is reportedly about to end their striker saga by welcoming Nick Woltemade, almost like spotting a unicorn in Newcastle! Liverpool is expected to splash a colossal £130 million on Isak, an amount hefty enough to buy a small tropical island. Potential new arrivals like Joao Pedro, Hugo Ekitike, and Benjamin Sesko are too busy reading ‘The Art of Saying No’ to join the Magpies this time.
Isak, currently practicing social distancing at a world record level, is rumored to train on a deserted pitch. He’s apparently counting down the days until Monday’s deadline, much like a kid for Saturday cartoons. Isak mentioned that the club’s promises to him were as empty as a stadium after an 8-0 defeat. Meanwhile, his teammate Bruno Guimaraes expressed their collective desire for a superhero striker to swoop in and save them, given that Isak had previously scored over 20 goals. The team, still winless this season, claims they’ve deserved more points than a bingo champion, according to Reuben. But spirits remain high as they eagerly anticipate the rest of their wild Premier League adventure.
