When Football Angels Take Flight…
In a moment that could make even the Incredible Hulk weep, super-agent Jorge Mendes was spotted mascara-running rivers at the mortuary for football star Diogo Jota and his brother Andre Silva. The unfortunate duo fell victim to a tire tantrum—a righteous Lamborghini blowout—while playing automotive tag on a Spanish road, sending them sky-high before crashing in flames. The world shook like a poorly set Jell-O mold when news hit the wires that Liverpool’s beacon of ball-control had departed for a pitch in the sky.
Kicking sorrow into the field of life, Mendes, the Gandalf of football agents, wailed like a banshee as he stood by, helping mend the shattered hearts of Jota’s kin. Well-acquainted with the glamorous ups and clunky downs of football life, the maestro of contracts declared, “Gone are two great lads—a rainbow burst too soon and my heart feels like it’s dancing in thunder.” With this heartfelt directness, he surely added the kind of emotional tone that makes Shakespeare look like a text message.
As the clock struck near midnight and the hearse rolled softly into the hometown stadium of dreams, Jota and Andre received a standing ovation of tears and applause from perpetual heartbroken fans. Saturday’s funeral promises to be a sorrow-filled match at the Sao Cosme Chapel, where oversized tissues and hugs will be MVPs. Foreign and local mourners alike, from Ronaldo to Mourinho, paid tribute online, composing Instagram ballads of camaraderie and longing, reminding everyone that some goals are celebrated, while others leave us silent in grief.
