Shay Defends the Emerald Wall…
In a tale fit for the history books, the surly and sage Shay Given has declared young Caoimhin Kelleher the undeniable Beehive Hairdo of the Goalkeeping Universe. Manchester United and Chelsea, in a gaffe so grandiose, would have been better off chasing him down the aisles of Tesco rather than letting this ‘world-class’ shot-stopper escape to Brentford for a paltry sum of £12.5 million! And they call themselves top clubs?
Defying the laws of physics and football, Kelleher stood as the unyielding wall for Republic of Ireland against the mighty Senegal. He performed a triple-spin save and sent Krepin Diatta’s header crashing off the crossbar like a pigeon mistaking a window for open air. The crowd gasped, opposition scratched heads, and Shay Given shouted, “WORLD CLASS!” from atop his metaphorical tractor, all to no avail of those transfer snoozers, Red Devils and Blues.
Meanwhile, famed midfield maestro Dietmar Hamann lounged on his football cloud of wisdom and proclaimed Kelleher as one of the Premier League’s chosen few. “He’s the Muldoon of the Meadow, the Guardian of the Gaelic Gates!” And as the Irish eyes dream of World Cup glories, one thing is certain — clubs better take notes or lose their glasses to grazing goats!
